INNER THOUGHTS

GROWING PAINS

A friend of mine once told me that when you love, you put yourself at a risk of getting hurt. I thought about it and somewhat realised that he was right. But then again, at the end of the day love is bigger than all that. Most people give up on love because of heartbreak. This isht sucks cos it is the most painfull thing one can experience because it is not physical (i mean if it were, we'd get pain killers and move on). The emotions that run through your mind when he tells you that he no longer wants to be with you. The thoughts that run through your mind as you wonder, "But what have i done?'' and the only reply they give you is that they no longer feel the same way. "Im sorry but i didnt mean to hurt you". Wow!! That has to be the most cruel words one can say to someone who once meant the world to them. "You didnt mean to hurt me?" but here i am hurting. Then again, lets face it. We can fall out of love, well not intentionally but this shit happens you know.

I have fallen in and out of love before. I loved this guy (i know this for sure), he was everything homies. Sweet, caring and all that, you know. Im telling you that guy would not cheat a soul. A year went past and me and homie were all good. All of sudden i felt that he was no longer the guy i wanted to be with. His sweetness was just too sour for me. I wanted action, a bad boy even. I wanted thrill, adventure and all that but homie was just being himself, chilling. So i waited for him to break up with me, man that took ages so i had to do it. We still good though, 5 years later we still talk. (Good memories are not easily erased)



 Then came the Ying to my Yang. My birth mate. How i loved this one ( i think i still do though, i stalk his profile every now and then, you know just for control) This one here broke my heart, but when he got back from over seas sparks  were flying once again. Next thing i know we are back together and making up for lost time. We were happy until he wanted to "control" me. Im sorry but i dont like taking orders. Then came cases of the ex who he wasn't really over because the moment we parted ways he got back with her. How nice. I guess they shared something special. Too bad he doesnt talk to me, i wished him well on our Birthday. No love lost =)  So then i decided to chill. Do some soul searching and have a beer with the homies. It was going great hey. No pressure, saving airtime, appreciating nature and hugging myself.  Then baaaaaaam!!!! He came along. I've never met him (i hope i meet him though). Man i felt so excited. Its like i been missing out something. I felt he was the one. I fell in love in an instant. Fuck that whole "Lets get to know each other better" It was impossible. He was 8+ hours ahead. I saw a future with this guy. I though it was Yuanfen even. I stayed indoors just to be on the phone with him. Until one day he went silent. No goodbye, no explanation :( He sold me dreams. But i thought about it. Was i really in love or i was in love with the idea of being in love? Does that make sense? Well that should answer it. Once again no love lost. Im sure he is happy with his physical significant other. After all, i was 8+ hours behind :""D

#NoLoveLost



One thing i learnt was that you cant force people to love you, neither can you stop people from falling in love again.We have to learn to let go. The happiest people are those that are so far apart. Ever looked at a couple and wondered "How in the world did they end up together?" Yeah, i know. Everyone wants a Mona Lisa in their life. Fuck that shit. Love is not about beauty. It should never be about one's looks. Rather love someone for who they are. Be with someone who makes you happy, not someone who you trying to impress. Trust me that shit works. #ChooseHappiness. I love idiots, someone who'll walk in the scotching heat with me and just smile. And when i say idiots im talking about someone who will make me laugh, smile and cry at the same time. Tears of joy that is. Live a little. Give those idiots a chance. You have nothing to lose. And when it all ends. Dont give up on love. :)